


Business Time

by TheMaura



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Idiots in Love, M/M, Reunited and It Feels So Good, She's just not totally sure of that yet, Stevie is a boss ass Bitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMaura/pseuds/TheMaura
Summary: Stevie is a boss-ass business woman. In training.Patrick is a tight little package.David wonders when his husband shall return from the war...
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 14
Kudos: 107





	Business Time

**Author's Note:**

> Again, I am clearly not a writer. This just happened. I've been living with it for four days and I want it away from me.  
> All that said, please enjoy.

Stevie parks her car in the driveway of SchittHill Cottage. (“Absolutely incorrect and unacceptable!” David had snapped when she dubbed it that.) She trudges towards the front door a drag in her steps. It'd been a bit of a day and she's more than a bit relieved to be walking up the steps of the cutest cottage in North America where two of her favorite people live. Of course David can't know that. She swings opens the cottage door without pausing to knock or ring the bell. Stevie loudly drops her open bag on the table near to couch so all the contents start to spill out (which David absolutely hates) and kicks her shoes off in two separate directions (which David also hates).

“Ding, ding!” Stevie calls out.  
“Back here, Stevie! Patrick calls from the direction of the kitchen.  
As Stevie enters the bright and airy kitchen she sees Patrick chopping vegetables on the counter while something delicious smelling simmers away on the stove. David is perched on a stool watching Patrick work and sipping wine.  
He turns to Stevie and says, “As you have been informed on numerous occasions, this is our home and not our place of business. Much as I detest your chipper little greeting in our retail  
environment, it is totally inappropriate here.”  
She sneaks her hand past David, grabs the open wine bottle and pours herself a glass. “This is a real change in tune for you David. I distinctly remember you telling me in no uncertain terms I was to always, ALWAYS announce my presence upon entering your home. I remember the day very vividly. You were red in the face and very sweaty.”  
“Yes well, you wouldn’t know anything about this but newly weds frequently enjoy…”  
“OK, YOU TWO!” Patrick loudly interrupts. “How was your virtual meeting with your investors, Stevie?”  
Stevie slumps into a stool. “It was fine, I guess.” Patrick narrows his eyes at her, waiting her out.  
“I guess I just feel a little intimidated by suddenly being surrounded by all these professional business people, you know? I don’t really fit.”  
“Well, you do lack a certain sharp-edged slickness…”  
“David,” Patrick says with soft reproach. “Stevie, that’s just not true. You are a business person. You’ve run your own business for years. With great success.”  
“Loathe as I am to admit it, he’s right.” David chimes in while rolling his eyes.  
“I know. I just wish I felt more comfortable talking to them.”

Patrick stirs the pot on the stove. “If you’re really feeling that way, you should come with me to the independent business seminar I’m headed to this weekend.” He takes a spoon, dips it in to the pot and tastes, then discards the spoon in the sink. David is very serious about cross contamination. He adds more pepper and salt. “It’s overnight at a hotel in Elm Ridge. You’ll be surrounded by independent business owners so you can practice dealing with them, you might learn some things and I find it’s really valuable connecting with other business owners. There’s a real benefit to meeting with people with shared experiences.”  
“That sounds thrilling, Honey.” David pipes up. “I just don’t know that’s it’s really for Stevie.”  
“You know what, Patrick?” Stevie interrupts him. “I think I will go.”

_____________________________________________________________________________

Patrick was right. It was a long day of seminars and chit chat but ultimately Stevie feels a lot more comfortable. She spent her day describing Rosebudd Motel Groups business model and answering incredibly detailed questions comfortably, got a lead on two motels that might be interesting acquisitions and got three phone numbers. Apparently, men like a woman in charge. All in all, a very successful venture.  
Now, she’s sitting in a booth in the hotel bar with Patrick capping off the day. 

“Is there a suspicious number of dudes in here?” Stevie asks.  
Patrick looks around the room, “It’s supposed to be a mixer for the people from the conference but the number of male attendees is very high. Are…are you the only woman here?”  
“It looks like it. So, how many times has he who-we-shouldn’t-expect-to-hear-from texted you today?”  
“As of four minutes ago? Fifty-seven times.” Stevie snorts while taking a sip of her drink.  
“He has begun a text series he has entitled missives from the frontlines. That are only sent in the format of telegraphs.”  
“Telegraphs?”  
Patrick picks up his phone and begins to read.  
“Darling Husband. STOP.  
Counting the minutes we’re apart doesn’t cure my loneliness, only brings it into sharper relief. STOP.  
The kitchen garbage is more than 80% full and you know I won’t touch it with my hands. STOP.  
Courage, dear heart, for we shall reunite on the ‘morrow. STOP.  
Sending you love and a swift tail wind. Your Husband. David Rose. STOP.”  
“Wow.”  
“Yeah. I feel like it may have been too soon for the both of us to leave town at the same time.” Patrick slips out of the booth. “I’m getting another beer. You want another?”  
Stevie nods and he walks away.

Stevie’s phone buzzes on the table with a text alert. She flips the phone over. It’s David.  
“Hmph” is all the text reads.  
Stevie smirks as she replies.

I’m sorry. Was this another “accidental” text? I thought you were going to be so busy “spending quality time with the most important person in your life” that you weren’t even going to notice we’re missing.

In fact, I am very busy rediscovering the intricacies of David Rose during this much needed weekend alone. I just thought I’d periodically check in with my best friend at her first business conference. Because I am a kind and considerate person. 

I see. Well, the Business conference went really well. Totals of the Day: Endless business talk (helpful), 2 leads, 3 numbers. 

What a fun and sexy time for you.

So, what are you doing while you finally have all this time to yourself and you clearly don’t miss us.

Some reading, some meditating, some well-earned self-care…

Stevie is idly letting her eyes roam the bar. The room is full of airplane paraphernalia. Which makes sense as the neon sign above the bar says it’s called The Cockpit.  
Her eyes continue to roam. At the bar, Patrick is unsuccessfully trying to get the bartender’s attention. She texts David back.

So you...have finished the entire contents of your refrigerator and haven’t left the couch in hours?

Ugh! Yes! It’s very Bridget Jones’ Diary before her stunning revitalization of sexiness and self-respect. I’ve been binge watching “Let’s Eat” and it’s making me both hungry and lonely.

Stevie eyes continue to wander. There really are a lot of men in the room. OH. Ohhh. She quickly shoots a text back to David.

Well, I have something you might be very interested in watching.  
She exits her texts and FaceTimes David. Two bushy eyebrows pop up on her screen.

“Stevie, you know I don’t answer camera calls without at least two days formal notice. I need time to prepare the appropriate lighting situation.”  
“But David, I have quite a show for you. Now, it’s time for an episode of Wild Kingdom....  
To go undetected I have disguised myself as a female woman at what could only be called Man4Man night at...get this...The Cockpit - our hotel bar. It supposed to be airplane themed but it seems it’s more a siren song for all the cock-loving men in a 20 mile radius.”  
“Obviously.” David snorts.

“Behold an innocent gazelle at the watering hole.”  
She flips the camera to front-facing and David gets a delicious view of Patrick leaning on the bar. His cute little bottom popping as he tries to get the bartenders attention.  
“Mmm, yes.” David says. “My favorite show.”  
Stevie starts panning away and David makes a frustrated noise. “Nope. Stevie go back.”  
“But the gazelle isn’t alone at the watering hole. It seems a predator has scented fresh prey...”  
Stevie’s panning camera lands on an attractive man whose eyes are locked -  
“If I know anything about camera sight lines and I do - that man’s eyes are right on that pert little bottom that I’m so fond of.”  
“They really are. They are just locked on there. Also, I would like to add, he is ridiculously good looking.”  
The man slowly looks Patrick over from bottom to top and seems to very much like what he sees. The man is objectively very good looking. He has dark wavy hair that falls to his shoulders that’s so shiny the dim lights of the bar glint off it. He has smooth tan skin and cheekbones so sharp they could cut glass.  
“I mean, if that’s your type. Sure.”  
“David, I think that’s everyone’s type.”

The attractive man gives a little smirk, stands, empties his glass and approaches Patrick at the bar.  
“Oh my God!” David squeaks out. Stevie reverses the camera and says...  
“Uh oh, David, it looks like our little gazelle is in trouble now. That big ole jungle cat is headed right for him!”  
“Ugh! Stevie! Go back! Go back to Patrick!”  
She reverses the camera again and David gets to watch as the man sidles up to Patrick. Crowds in next to him in a very transparent attempt to share his space. Patrick looks over startled and simultaneously slides a bit to his left to give the man more space.  
David let’s out a tiny whimper. “The lump in my chest just melted a little bit.”  
“It seems the gazelle’s natural instincts haven’t alerted him to the imminent threat. Perhaps the gazelle is inexperienced in the ways of the watering hole. If only he had a wizened, older zebra by his side to guide him.”  
“Flush your head down a toilet.”  
They watch as the man feigns an attempt to get the bartender’s attention and use it to slide towards Patrick again. This time before Patrick can make space again, the man must make some kind of joke because Patrick gives him a very bashful chuckle in response.

And then they’re off.

The man says something gesturing to the bartender who still hasn’t taken their drink order and doesn’t seem at all inclined to. Patrick gives an exaggerated eye roll while waving his hand. Clearly frustrated by the lack of service. As Patrick drops his hand on the bar top, the man leans in close and touches his peck.  
“Stevie! Why’s he touching him?! ZOOM IN” David calls out as loud as possible through the phone speaker. But Stevie is already on it. Zooming in as tight as she can on Patrick’s chest. As Patrick looks down embarrassed and fumbling as he removes … a sticker name tag.  
“It’s his name tag David. The boys scout insisted on wearing it here because this ‘is a business mixer Stevie not an excuse to drink our weight in alcohol.’”  
“How am I married to a man who voluntarily sticks plastic adhesives to his clothing? And lectures people about responsible alcohol consumption at business events?” David calls out.

As they watch, the man dips his head to force eye contact with Patrick. Patrick’s cheeks are so pink he’s practically glowing in the dim light of the bar. He then smiles a winning smile at Patrick and holds out his hand to shake. The man doesn’t let go of Patrick’s hand after the handshake ends. Instead he tugs Patrick forward into his body space and must say something truly suggestive because Patrick makes what she and David lovingly call his “buffering face”. His eyes go wide, his mouth goes a little slack and he rapidly blinks frozen in position.  
Stevie says, “Uh oh. We’re buffering.”  
Patrick snaps back into gear. Sliding his hand out of the other man’s hand and leaning back out of his space.  
“And we’re back online.”  
Casanova leans in all conciliatory. A contrite look on his stupidly handsome face. He puts a hand on Patrick’s shoulder as he speaks to him with an earnest expression.  
Whatever he says works because Patrick smiles up at him again.  
“Oh, he’s really good.”  
“Patrick never wants anyone to feel bad or uncomfortable. It’s the quickest way to get him on your side. Not that I would know anything about that. That would be unfair and manipulative, it’s just something I figured out. And it certainly isn’t like it took me two years to figure it out and this beefcake figured it out in ten minutes in a crowded bar. I actually hate this.”  
Patrick is waving off the man’s apologies and smiling. He holds his left hand up into the man’s field of vision. Showing off his wedding ring as he makes an apologetic face. The man looks surprised.  
“Oh. I maybe like this again.”

The man is clearly discombobulated by this turn but stutters out some sort of remark.  
Patrick looks down at his left hand and the tiny little band of gold glinting in the light as he speaks.  
“He must be talking about you David. He has heart eyes so bad his eyes are practically beaming. I fear that Don Juan may be blinded accidentally.”  
The man glances around the room as if looking for someone. Patrick shakes his head up at him and says something in reply.  
This seems to please the man. He leans into Patrick’s space once more and Patrick looks startled but also considering. He looks back at the man and gives a decisive nod. Then Patrick unleashes a blinding smile on the man.  
“Well, that’s a smile.”  
“Ugh! That’s one of my favorite ones! That one says: ‘I really, really like what you just said to me’”. The man turns to leave the bar with Patrick following behind him.

Stevie reverses the camera,  
“Oh my God, David! Do you want me to follow him?!” Stevie stares at the camera - eyes cartoonishly wide.  
“YES!” David cries.  
Stevie immediately burst into action as the camera jostles around.  
“No wait. STEVIE! Wait!”  
She holds the camera at face level. “What?”  
“Don’t go. Don’t follow them.” David blows out a long stream of air. “I trust my husband. He’ll tell me whatever I need to know.”  
“Are you sure? They can’t have gotten far and if they are doing anything I’m sure it’ll be hot.”  
David scowls at her.

“Fine, fine.” Stevie flops down into her chair. Minutes pass in silence. Eventually, Stevie scrunches her face up and says, “So...uh how was the store today? Did, um, Roland blowup the motel?” Her voice reaching for casual and falling quite short.  
David is about to reply that he hadn’t laid eyes on the motel all day but there was a loud boom and multiple sirens from that direction. But, just then the table jostles and a chipper little voice says,  
“Hey Stevie! Check this out!”  
“Patrick!” David and Stevie call out simultaneously.  
“Oh hey, Patrick. What’s up, buddy?” Stevie bungles another attempt at casual while lowering her phone towards the table but tilting it up so David can see. “That was fast.”  
“What was fast?” Patrick asks confused.  
“You walked out of here with that hunky stranger. We just didn’t think you’d be back so soon.”  
“Oh! I was just...”. Patrick pauses. Makes a humph noise. “Stevie, Who’s we?”  
“Excuse me, what?” Stevie plays dumb and blinks.  
“You said, ‘We just didn’t think...’ Who’s we?”  
“I meant the royal we, Patrick. We have been drinking quite a lot tonight and we only get more proper as we go.”  
“Sure, sure.” Patrick smirks. “I would believe that if I hadn’t had to block you from view popping a squat in an extremely not-vacant parking lot when I picked you and my drunk husband up last weekend.”  
Stevie hopes Patrick didn’t hear the snort David releases.  
“There’s nothing royal about holding it in, Patrick! If you’ve gotta go, you gotta go!” Stevie says desperately.  
“OK!” Patrick quickly leans up and plucks the phone out of Stevie’s hand.

“Hello David,” Patrick says dourly.  
“Hi Honey! How’s all the business talk?” David chirps wearing his most winning smile.  
“David.”  
David drops the attempt at distraction. He’s going to have to be honest.  
“It wasn’t like we were spying...”  
Patrick gives him a look. “OK, we were but it was in a cute way!”  
“Just your everyday cute spying on your spouse on a business trip?”  
“Mmhmm. Yes! Stevie saw that handsome stranger eyeing up my very beautiful husband and called me on FaceTime so I could watch him hit on you. Just to see your very adorable flustered face when he tried.”  
Patrick makes a flustered face in response.  
“Yes, that face!”  
“I really wasn’t worried or mad. Even when you left the bar with him and could have been running off with him to have fifteen babies with thick, luxurious curls and megawatt smiles!”  
“That is not how making babies works, David,” Patrick sighs.  
“We can talk about the birds and bees later!” He wiggles his eyebrows. Then his face gets serious, “I really wasn’t.”  
“He really wasn’t Patrick,” Stevie chimes in. “When I asked if I should follow you, he told me no and that he trusts you to tell him everything.”  
“You see! So, really this was a nice relationship moment. A true moment of growth for me and...”  
“Alright. Now, you’re overselling it.”  
“OK.”  
“OK.”  
Neither of them says anything for a beat.

“So, what happened?!” Stevie cries. “I’m sorry I need to know! He was so hot! What was his name?”  
“His name is Armando Valencia and he’s from Ecuador. He has a little accent and everything.” Patrick blushes. “And Well, he was hitting on me but I didn’t catch on to that at first.” Patrick still looks nonplussed by it. Stevie thinks about suggesting to David that he compliment his husband’s …physicality more. Patrick shouldn’t be so surprised a handsome man propositioned him. He’s a tight little package.  
Stevie tunes back in just as Patrick says, “And then he made a truly graphic suggestion and I must have looked taken aback because he apologized profusely. And I told him I wasn’t offended just married. I told him about the store and you, David. He said he also has a partner but with him on the road so much...they’re trying out an open relationship. Then he whispered something truly delightful in my ear and asked me to follow him out to his car.”

“His car?! Patrick you’re literally in the middle of a hotel! You have a hotel room in that hotel! Baby, you are not hotel parking lot quickies! You’re..”  
“And when we got out to his car,” Patrick continues loudly. “He opened his trunk and gave me four boxes of samples.” He finishes looking at the phone completely deadpan.  
“Samples of what?” David asks totally confused.  
“The finest Ecuadorian chocolates made north of the border.”  
“Patrick! Is that Finca Alce chocolate?!”  
“Yep!” Patrick looks very pleased with himself.  
“Honey, those are the ungettable get! They’re our white whale! I have been trying for over a year to even get a meeting with them!”  
“I know!” Patrick looks practically giddy. “I was talking about you and how we met opening our store and he said he had heard of us. That an unappealingly pushy man had been leaving increasingly shrill messages for him for over a year.”  
“He didn’t say that!”  
“No, he didn’t. He said he stopped by the store a few weeks back and thought it was lovely. That we were very respectful of the makers and we shined a light on the intricacy of the craft of making. Then apparently he looked up our website and saw the news about our hotel expansion and thought we’d be a good fit! He was planning to call after the weekend!”  
“Oh my God! Patrick!”  
“Then he gave me four boxes of chocolate so that my partner and I could sample and consider working together!”  
David wiggles and releases the most excited noise.

Patrick let's out a deep sigh and shakes his head slowly.  
“But now, I don’t know.”  
“Wait. What? Patrick?”  
“Here I was going on and on about you to a stranger trying to pick me up at a bar and you and Stevie are watching and making fun of me. That doesn’t sound like behavior deserving of fancy chocolate to me.”  
David begins to panic. “No! Fuck! Patrick.”  
“I guess maybe I could share them with some of the business connections I made today...”  
“They have the unrefined palates of toddlers, Patrick! No.”  
But, Patrick isn’t listening. He’s rummaging through the beautifully handcrafted boxes of the purest chocolate and gleefully mumbling. “I’ll give this chili one to Marcus because he had a burrito at lunch so he probably likes spicy. And Carol can have this pink Himalayan sea salt and nibs one because she was wearing pink today.”  
Stevie can’t contain her laughter and starts cackling uncontrollably.

“ARGH! Enough! Enough! I love you so much and I’m sorry for spying and poking fun! Of course the chocolate man was hitting on you! You are excruciatingly hot. You’re built. You’re a wonderful person with a good and generous heart but also you’ve got a scorchingly hot little body. You have a smile that could start fires and an ass you could bounce quarters off of. I could testify to that in court. You’re compact but solid, and you’ve got those forearms and your thick thighs! Patrick! Please. Bring the chocolate home to me.”  
“David? I’m going to bring the chocolate home to you.” Patrick says in that commanding confident tone that Stevie has it on good authority makes all the blood rush to David’s crotch and his toes curl every single time.  
“Oh.” David exhales in a voice that says he’s helplessly turned on. “You know what else you can bring home to me...” David starts breathily.

“OK!” Stevie shouts as she snatches the phone out of Patrick’s hands. “That’s enough of that on my phone. David, I think we’re done here. If I knew how horny some distance and a solid business contact made the two of you I would never have agreed to this weekend.”  
“Oh, I’m sorry Stevie. I must go. My husband is trying to FaceTime me now. I have to answer, he’s away for the weekend.” David wiggles his brows at her.  
“Gross. We’ll see you tomorrow...with chocolate apparently.”  
“Warmest Regards.” David smirks.  
“Best Wishes.” 

As Stevie gathers her bag and makes to get up from the table. She leans over to Patrick and tells him. “You’re picking up my tab for what I just had to witness.” He nods distractedly and tilts a smirk towards her as David appears on his phone. “And go to your room! No one else needs to be exposed to what’s about to happen.”  
“Yes, Stevie.” He mumbles, smiling at the camera.  
“Is she gone?” David whispers very loudly.  
“Yes, David.” Patrick replies.  
As she walks away She makes out David’s fake overwrought voice saying, “Husband, I know you had to venture out into the world of business this weekend but our bed is so cold and lonely without you...”  
And very clearly hears Patrick’s reply, “Well David, it’d be a lot less cold if you were wearing clothes.”  
Stevie scurries across the lobby to the bank of elevators. She is not getting thrown out of this hotel tonight and if Patrick does she’s sure the chocolate man’s backseat is still available.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I don't know. This is a thing that happened. Twice. I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
